So here I am, 28 weeks pregnant, how did that happen? I mean I know how it happened, but where has the time gone?! Only yesterday I was 8 weeks pregnant trying and failing to quietly be sick in the work toilets, making up excuses why I wasn’t drinking at social events (and I always drink at social events…), and trying to come up with fun pregnancy announcements with Chris. And now here I am, in my final trimester, being questioned if I’ve made a birth plan yet (I haven’t), have we decorated the babies room (we haven’t), and do we have any names in mind (we at least have this!).
So I am 12 weeks away from having a whole other human life form that I’m responsible for, maybe even less, maybe more if I go overdue. I’ve had a feeling since we found out we were having a baby that this one will be late. I was born two weeks late, and Chris’s son was late too, and throughout pregnancy, I’ve just always had a feeling that the baby will come mid-October rather than early October.
But lately, I’ve been thinking, what if she comes early?! Cue the panic that keeps me up at 2am.
We currently don’t have much sorted for the baby. Other than some lovely second-hand clothes from family (yay for Chris having a large family with lots of babies!), and two moses baskets (which currently live at both of our mum’s houses), and a cot bed that lives at my mum’s house, we have nothing. She doesn’t even have a bedroom yet.
I moved into Chris’s three bedroom house in May, and my boxes of stuff moved into the third bedroom, where they have remained since. Every night he likes to ask me if I’d like to empty one, the answer is always no. Also, separate note, how have I collected so much stuff?!
The current plan is to empty the third room of boxes and redecorate for Chris’s son who we have at weekends and redecorate the second bedroom for baby girl. We’ve been talking about this since I was early pregnant, but here I am 28 weeks pregnant, and we haven’t done it yet. But at least 4 times a week I like to text Chris when he’s at work complaining we’re running out of time, yet here I am writing a blog post rather than emptying a box that lives in the third bedroom.
I have managed to not think much about giving birth in my pregnancy, because hey that’s future Lisa’s problem. But I’m now realising that’s pretty soon, like scarily soon. The idea of actually giving birth has been terrifying me.
The fun thing I have with my anxiety is when things go out of my control I panic. I am very aware that labour may not go to plan, and I’m very worried about having some type of panic attack during labour and having to end up with an emergency caesarean because I’m panicking. Fun fact – I was born by an emergency caesarean because I even had a panic attack about being born…
I’m trying to come to terms with the thought that I might not be able to have the birth I want because I’m currently a ‘high risk pregnancy’, but I want it to be a calm one. I’m currently practicing hypnobirthing through the Positive Birth Company digital pack, and that’s helping me to start to feel rather positive about the whole giving birth thing, I might even go as far to say I’m almost looking forward to it…
While there is a scary countdown to the time that I will have a child, I am so looking forward to the end of this pregnancy. I have hated being pregnant.
I always thought being pregnant would be this happy lovely time, and everything’s exciting and you have a lovely little bump. But it’s not been like that at all.
I’m one of the lucky pregnant people that develop hyperemesis, which resulted in me getting low blood pressure and losing three stone, and going dizzy all the time. On top of that my Ehlers-Danlos syndrome has been great fun because all of my joints have become more super bendy, so I dislocate things more regularly and become super tired, and panic my consultant because no one understands what this weird genetic disorder I have is. I’ve also had the panic of extra growth scans and being told the baby may be too small, hospital admissions for dehydration due to hyperemesis and admissions for reduced movements, and about 400 blood tests for a variety of things. But baby girl is fine, she’s absolutely perfect and doing everything she should be.
So here we are, 12 weeks to go. Maybe more, maybe less.
See you soon baby girl.