I’ve not kept it as a secret that I’ve hated being pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant I had lovely visions of myself holding my bump and looking lovingly at Chris and everything being all lovely and happy. Instead I’ve spent 41 weeks of being sick and glaring at my other half for ‘doing this to me’.
I never like to be someone who complains for no reason, and wanted to try and have a positive pregnancy, but it really hasn’t been a smooth ride. I’m so close to the end, and hopefully will be meeting my baby any day now that I’m ‘overdue’, and while I’m focusing on the nice things, there’s a few things I won’t miss about being pregnant.
Ah my least favourite thing about being pregnant, being sick. Most women get morning sickness for the first trimester, but lucky old me got diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, meaning for me it’s not stopped the whole way through being pregnant. For a long time I didn’t realise I was being sick an unusual amount, and got very ill and ended up being admitted to hospital twice. Hyperemesis has been awful, and I honestly have felt like it’s robbed me of having a happy pregnancy. Due to being so ill, I developed low blood pressure because my body was basically starving itself, and I kept being told off as I wasn’t eating enough to get better – which was next to impossible when I was being sick 12 times a day and couldn’t keep down water. I spent all my time either being sick or in bed, and having to cancel plans all the time. I was miserable, depressed and lonely. I was finally prescribed some anti-sickness tablets at 16 weeks pregnant that helped me to keep food down, and I was able to feel a bit better. Annoyingly the sickness never completely stopped, although it’s eased off.
Being a slightly larger lady, I already had bit of a stomach before I got pregnant. Being my first pregnancy I didn’t really know what to expect, but I did expect to have the classic bump that every other pregnant lady gets, and had visions of myself taking lots of photos showing it off. But because of being a plus sized lady, I’ve had a more ‘B’ shaped bump rather than your usual ‘D’ shape. It’s made me feel quite self conscious, and I actually felt like I didn’t look pregnant for a long time and thought I just ‘looked a bit fat’, and hid in baggy t-shirts. I’ve purposely avoided taking photos of my bump, or being in photos during my pregnancy, until quite late into my pregnancy because I felt so self-conscious. Looking back on the rare photos of me throughout pregnancy, it is quite obvious I have a bump, yes not a classic bump or a big bump, but I have one, and I’ve spent a lot of the pregnancy worrying about nothing.
Being Told I’m ‘High Risk’
My pregnancy has been classed as ‘high risk’ since I was 8 weeks pregnant for a variety of reasons. Initially it started as because my BMI is high I would develop high blood pressure, which I didn’t, and I actually developed low blood pressure at one point due to my Hyperemesis. Then I was told my hormones were too low so would need additional scans because the baby would be too small, then I was told the baby was too big, so I needed again more scans, only to find out at my 38 week scan, that actually the baby is an average healthy size. I was once told at a scan I had too much amniotic fluid, and was panicked about that and given yet again more scans, to find out it was actually only 0.4cm over which wasn’t really a concern. I’ve been tested for gestational diabetes twice, because I was at a ‘high risk’ of that, to be given the all clear. Been told I would develop loads of other problems because of my BMI, which have never developed, and then because of my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, that concerned my consultant and was only given the all clear to have a normal birth at nearly 39 weeks pregnant. The whole ordeal has messed with my anxiety, when there’s really been no need for it, because my ‘high risk’ pregnancy, has been fine.
Problems With My Anxiety
Anxiety is the bane of my life, I’ve suffered with it for years, and I’m usually quite good at keeping it under control. However being pregnant, this has caused me to be more anxious than usual. This whole pregnancy was quite a surprise, and came as quite a shock to me and my anxiety is usually set off by things going out of my control. Thrown on top the list of things that ‘could be wrong with my pregnancy’ it’s been no wonder I’ve been more anxious. I tried to speak up and get help with my doctor to be told that my meds could harm the baby, which just made me more anxious, and a consultant I saw at the hospital told me to ‘just stop worrying’. Luckily for me at 20 weeks pregnant I changed midwife, and was placed under ‘special care’ and given a midwife who deals with ladies with more complex needs – including mental health. My midwife has been an absolute godsend, has kept me calm, found out answers for me, and given me more time in my appointments to talk. Thankfully my mental health is now the best it has been in years, and I feel a lot calmer about everything.